The struggle of MOVING ON

But I should forget US.

(p.s. listen to Silhouette by Owl City while reading this. On repeat ko kasing pinapakinggan yun habang sinusulat ko to. Well, Sa mga nakakarelate jan sakin, feel free to comment. anyways, this is just a blog to express. Baka may iHugot rin kayo. Tudo hugot ko na to! hihi!)

The struggle of MOVING ON.

Minsan akala mo, okay kana yun pala may mga fallbacks pa. Masakit pa rin. Sabi nga nila, "walang gamot sa pusong nagdurusa kundi panahon." Maybe I just needed more time... More time to heal, accept and let go of everything.

Halos naubos ko na nga basahin lahat ng books and articles about moving on, napurga na ako sa advices ng friends and fam ko.. pero sometimes, you just have to shut yourself from the world and maybe cry some more. Crying can help. For me, it had. It was my release.

This was probably, the greatest and worst HEARTACHE I had in my entire life. I was always lost and I could drown myself in my thoughts. Kahit nasa start na nang process of moving on, sobrang struggle pa rin, kasi grabe, pinapasakitan pa rin ako.

Sometimes I would think, how could he be so heartless? so insensitive? But then, I think, no, I shouldn't blame him. I should forget all of the bad things, it was history. And go on.. on my own... I should just be thankful that it had made me strong and I should congratulate myself for enduring such weight of pain. I couldn't imagine how I had get out of that situation.. still alive and sane.

CLOSURE.
Maybe it was all I needed to fully direct my path on no turning back. But it was the harshest closure I'd ever had. But nonetheless, maybe I needed that.
Pero ang sakit pala, kasi parang balewala lang lahat ng hirap ko at lahat ng pinagsamahan.. Akalain mong hinihiling ng taong naging mundo mo na mawala ka sa buhay niya, na wala na talagang connection. Grabe. Sampal sa mukha. Ang sakit. There I was, nagpakumbaba na. Na kahit sana friendship, iresolve lang man. Pero ipinagkait pa. Ayoko naman bumalik pa e. Pero maybe it was for the best. And then there.. no point of holding on anymore... Time to let go. Time to move on. Tama na. Dumirecho ka na.
Basta, na-state ko na ang dapat ko sabihin. Maybe, I can forgive him fully someday as well as I should forgive myself.

And here I am...
Funny how I'll listen to these songs about moving on. Almost over you, Skyscraper, Silhouette.. atbp. Tas I remember the boy. "But I don't remember the feelings anymore"-awww kung pwede lang agad agad no. Pero mahirap magmove on e, process ika nga. But I will get there.

Pero.. "The more I try to move on, the more I feel alone." -Galing sa kanta na Silhouette (The one I mentioned earlier). Yown. Minsan wag masyado i-push ang pagmo move on, let it happen One Step at a Time. Wag mo i-deny sa self mo na hindi ka pa nakamove-on. Kasi lalo ka lang mahihirapan. Let time heal all wounds ika nga.

He is HISTORY.
But theee MEMORIES. He'll always be a big part of it. He'll always be a big part of what I've become. Pero tapos na yun. It's now in the past. And maybe, I still love him. He still owns a part of my heart and though I still care for him, I couldn't do anything, all I can do is just pray for him and that sana ayusin nya na life nya. All I want for him is truly find happiness and stop all of those unrightful things. Funny how I still do care for him, despite everything. Okay lang, nagpakatanga ako and I have loved him so much. Guilty ako dun but I never regretted having him in my life. Pero tama na. Kalimutan na.

You have to go through it.
And sometimes you had that wishful thinking... "Sana makalimutan ko na lang siya..." "Sana mawala na lang ng lahat ng ala-ala." "Sana mawala na lang lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman." Kulang na lang magpabagok ka para ma amnesia. Pero sadly, we have to go through all of these.
"Kelan ko nga ba sya makakalimutan?" Sana soon na. Ang hirap. Kung nakikita at nakakasama mo pa sa work. Super hirap. Oh how, I've been struggling for months.

Anyways, he had been a big part of my 2013 and 2014. Bye. Will keep you in memory.

Tiwala lang.
Basta may bukas, may pag-asa. Sayang naman ang buhay. Basta tiwala lang, it may take months or years. Basta makakalimutan ko din siya. Magiging okay din ang lahat.:)

And this I promise myself, that I will strive to be BETTER and not bitter.

Move on na sa mga may galit sa puso.  Let's welcome 2015 na magaan ang pakiramdam.


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And let me end this with this line on the same song I was referring earlier...

I'm a silhouette asking every now and then (now and then)
"Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again?"
I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home...

ALL IS WELL! :)