Go on brave heart

It had been more or less 5 months since I've been struggling to move on. But I guess maybe this time, I have a clear mind and a better self. My cousin likes to blog, she's a great writer. She let me answer this following questions a month ago because she'll post it in her blog. I just have read it now and I guess my answers are worth sharing. :)

How would I describe myself?

She’s a girl who would happily spend her time with her love ones. Happy.  Optimistic. Everyone is looking up to her. The light of the family, but on the other side, she’s a hopeless romantic.. Too eager for the idea of love and happily ever after. She always got her heart broken. Easy to fall. Easily to be deceived because she is always willing to love. Always willing to give selfless love to the one she loves.

1. What made you fell for that person

What made me fell for him? Maybe it’s the way he would spend time with me. Those times that he made me feel special and loved. The way he would crack his jokes on repeat, the ones I’ve already heard but still I laugh. The way he would hold me in his arms. The way he would offer his hand to hold mine every time we would cross the street but I refuse to because I have sweaty palms. The way he would always correct me and teach me things that I should know. The way he wants me to take care of him. The way he would look at me. Those “suplado” (grumpy) moods every time he’s upset. Because even though he’s a spoiled brat, I still see the good in him. (Because) even though he’s kinda selfish, I can see how he truly cares for his family. He was a part of my everyday routine that maybe, made me also fell deeply more in love with him.

That’s human nature, we always tend to like something we can never have.

2. What do you think is the reason why you did not end up with each other?

Maybe some things, good or bad must always end to make room for a better future. Maybe if I stayed in that situation, I could have gone insane. Maybe, we were just not meant for each other. Maybe he’s not just so in to me, or neither way. He was insensitive and selfish and I was overly dramatic. When we collide, it always brings about conflict. Until the time, we hated each other.

We were happy back then but some good relationships just drift. And maybe I just loved him so much. And what started wrong, unfortunately ended up so tragic. Tragic in the sense where we even ruined our friendship. Strangers again.

3. Any message for him?

Hi. How are you? It’s been a while. If I have an hour left to live in this world, I will spend half with my family and half with you? Why? I just want to reconcile. It’s just so sad that we end up like this, strangers. Strangers are even lucky, they could even smile with each other. Us, we treat each as if each doesn’t exist in this world. I hope in time, it will be okay. I hope in time, time will heal all these wounds. Yes, I am accepting the fact that there would never be you and me. It’s just so hard moving on when I still think of you when I wish I didn’t anymore. We’ll all I could do is pray for you. I hope our God will guide you wherever you are. I hope He will enlighten you.

I would never miss a day without praying for you. God bless you. I miss you though.

Extra message:

You'll always be a part of me. And I'll treasure those memories we've shared, good or bad. Whenever I remember the past, I just smile now. Memories, oh sweet old memories. Atleast, we had them. Thank you for giving me all of those. I am grateful to have you at one point in my life and I never regretted having you around. You were worth the pain though. You're still one of the best things I ever had. And it's because of you that I found my way back to God. Thank you so much! 

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Message for myself:

Hi,

You've been strong and I salute you. Who would have thought you are doing great these past months eventhough you've been struggling in moving on with him around. You've been great, just go on. Don't hold on to grudges, it's bad. Don't hate. Forgive yourself. 

Forgive yourself if you have allowed those heartbreaks to happen to you. It's okay. Everything happens for a reason and it's for the good. Go on brave heart. Go on and make the best possible version of yourself. God loves you! 

#LGMO Let go and Move on :)