Smiling at my misery

I dunno how to describe how I feel. Sometimes I’m just too pained to cry. I know the degrees of physical pain but emotional pain… it’s unfathomable. And I feel like drowning. Why is it that everytime I love, I get hurt? Why is it that I’m always the loser? Maybe I just loved too much and that’s why I’m hurting a lot. 
I want to hate him. I want to forget him. I want to decode him in my system. It has been very painful. Really. And I pity myself. What am I doing to myself? What did I ever do to deserve this? I’m so tired. Really tired.
I will miss him. Every part of me longs for him. But it has to stop. Well, another story about unrequited love. Quota na ko! Syet lungs.. At sa gagong yun, pucha.. Mahal na mahal kita! Bakit ikaw pa!